I have used this arrangement :-
Use onfwd command to select one relay or onrev for the other followed by wait then off to stop the current and release the relay (non-latching of course).  
Bit of a guess as to the wait period for focusing since you don't know how long the camera will take. I am using 2 seconds at the moment. I allow 0.25 seconds for the shutter and that seems to work (so far!).
The relay voltage should be between 3 & 6 v imho since a 9v relay might not be reliable once the battery runs down.
You can use the batterylevel command in NXC or Guy Viv's NXT-G battery level block to find the actual voltage at any time. Then factor it down to get the motor power setting by 100*relay voltage/actual voltage. I reckon there will be a voltage drop of about 0.7v across the diodes so set the relay voltage at 6.7v for my 6v relays.
Any single pole non-latching relay should work but I have read that reed relays can affect each other if too close so I avoided these.
The remote cable I bought had no resistor in it, just a simple switch but I added one just to be on the safe side.
There is a ready-made version available at    
http://www.techno-stuff.com/relay.htm
The code I use is :-
    focus_power = 100*focus_volts/BatteryLevel(); // Factor down voltage
    shoot_power = 100*shoot_volts/BatteryLevel(); // Factor down voltage
    if (focus == true)                    // Skip if auto focus not used
    {
     Wait (1000);                         // Wait for vibrations to cease
     OnRev (OUT_C, focus_power);          // Focus relay on Port C
     Wait (focus_time);                   // Keep relay energised
     Off(OUT_C);                          // Switch relay off
    }
    
    if (mirror == true)                   // Skip if mirror lock not used
    {
     OnFwd (OUT_C, shoot_power);          // Mirror up - shoot relay Port C
     Wait (shoot_time);                   // Keep relay energised
     Off(OUT_C);                          // Switch relay off
    }
    Wait (2000);                          // Wait for vibrations to cease
    OnFwd (OUT_C, shoot_power);           // Shoot & drop mirror - relay Port C
    Wait (shoot_time);                    // Keep relay energised
    Off(OUT_C);                           // Switch relay off
    Wait (2000);